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[08 Aug 2005|11:57am] |
okay i miss you guys
can you please add me at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) undesiredvirtue
please.. i update now :(
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[18 Jul 2005|07:36pm] |
i have a new, friends only journal that i just made and i actually plan on updating.
undesiredvirtue.
add me. i dont care if you do or dont. but i am going to be active again. <3
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[12 Jun 2005|12:05pm] |
zz, i love these things. fill it out por favor. <3
( nifty. )
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[04 Jun 2005|01:17pm] |
story time ! ( with pictures :o ! ) warning: they are big. i won't resize them. lazy lizzy.
( so once upon a time... )
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| i took this from trish |
[30 May 2005|09:42pm] |
First, write down the names of twenty people you know. Then, read and answer the questions. You can’t look at the questions until you write down the twenty names you’re going to use.
1) mal
2) laura
3) ian
4) cody
5) james
6) bianca
7) lauren
8) caitlin
9) sarah
10) deryk
11) barett
12) joree
13) leo
14) tim
15) josh a
16) josh h
17) sam
18) leah
19) aliya
20) dan
Is #9 a boy or a girl?
girl
Would #1 and #2 make a cute couple?
actually they would
How about #18 and #4?
i can't possibly imagine it happening
What grade is #17 in?
10th
When was the last time you talked to #12?
last night
What is #6’s favorite band?
uh the mars volta i believe
Does #1 have any siblings?
yeah this cute little sister
Would you ever date #3?
oh shit.. haha. i doubt it.
Would you ever date #7?
ugh no
Is #16 single?
no
What’s #15’s last name?
avni
What’s #10’s middle name?
i dont know
What’s #5’s favorite thing to do?
uh i think he enjoys the guitar rather much
Is #13 hot?
i personally do not find him attractive, no.
Would #14 and #19 make a good couple?
hahahah no but it would be so funny
What school does #20 go to?
minee
Tell me a random fact about #11:
she likes tea
And #3:
he likes to steal my dmb cds
Have you ever had a crush on #15?
hahah i think so
Where does #9 live?
here, she moved from australia
What’s #4’s favorite color?
pink. haha
Would you make out with #14?
no one but my yuneit baby
Are #5 & #6 best friends?
no
Does #7 like #20?
lauren likes everyone, it's fucking disgusting
Does #8 like #19?
i dont think they know each other
How did you meet #2?
7th grade i think.. mm she's such a sweetheart
How did you meet #18?
school.. she sits with us and she's a sweetheart
Does #10 have any pets?
he's got this scary rottwieler or however you spell it.. oh god haha that was so off
Is #12 older than you?
yeah
Is #17 the sexiest person alive, or what?
ugh i don't really like her all too much
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[29 May 2005|08:13pm] |
what movie do you feel is sadder : the notebook or titanic, and why?
respond please.. thanks. <3
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[28 May 2005|10:47pm] |
oh god, I'm so stupid, sososo stupid, ughh.
I don't know what to do.
I'm so sorry, baby. I love you.. more than anything.
=\ If he loves me, he'll come back... won't he ?
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[26 May 2005|06:01pm] |
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eh, i'm all lonely and all </3
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[17 May 2005|09:44pm] |
You won't even talk to me anymore.
Beautiful.
You know, I think I get along better with girls... a lot better. Malloree and I have been really.. far together, you know? We're really close beyond that. And today, she asked me out, just to see how she 'liked dating girls.'
Eh, I said I'd see, because I'm still dating Yuneit, only he's refusing to talk to me and..ugh.
Confusion, hi.
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[15 May 2005|04:19pm] |
I just wanted to be perfect for him.
I guess I am a fuckup, I am. I guess if I hurt him this much that he won't talk to me, I don't deserve him at all. I just want him to be happy. I don't know if I can even do that, anymore. If I'm lonely, there's nothing I can do for it now. I'll have to wait it through if it'll make him happy. I won't talk to anyone else. I won't. Not if it hurts him.
I don't want to hurt him anymore. I just want to kiss away his pain, I just want him to be happy. I can't do anything for him though.
I put so much friction into our relationship. I know I deserve to feel hurt right now, I deserve it. I deserve to be called a hoe/unfaithful/trash. I deserve it all.
I'm sorry. Please, come back to me.. =\
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[15 May 2005|03:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 i miss you. |
] |
have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?
have you ever tried to find the words, but they don't come out right?
have you ever been in love, been in love so bad,
you'd do anything to make them understand?
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[07 May 2005|02:16pm] |
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i feel like that we've lost everything. that we are nothing anymore.
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[02 May 2005|10:57pm] |
never have i felt so alone.
i need people, i need constant love. i need attention. i need so much. i am so selfish.
yet i do not deserve any of it - i am pure shit to people. i treat people less than they deserve. and i despise myself for that.
on sunday afternoon, my best friend cody actually overdosed on heroine. he is not dead, but he is an egg. i feel especially awful because all of his friends have been treating him like shit. i need him. i need him so much. he has been so good to me - despite our recent fights - he has been there to comfort me and hold me and whisper to me that everything would be okay.
at the same time, i am so angry at him for this. how could he ? this is exactly what happened to my sister - only she did not make it. i wanted him to be able to talk to me. i wanted to be able to do for him what he could do for me. but he wouldn't let me help him. and it tears me apart.
i feel so, so lonely and sad. i miss everyone right now, and i am finally entering the grieving process for my sister. and because of this, i have been especially depressed.
</rant>
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[28 Apr 2005|09:08pm] |
if you mean it, why is it just words and nothing i can feel...nothing that can reassure me?
i miss believing in what you said you felt,
i miss not having to question, and now
i don't know if i can handle missing you when you aren't really gone,
it's like you're missing and i just wish i knew where to look,
but i don't want to be the one to do the searching, i want you to come back of your own will,
i want you to want what we had back just as much as i do,
i don't think you understand how much this hurts,
it is constantly breaking me and i wish you knew it without me having to say anything,
and i don't know whether or not you would even care if you knew, and if you did, what could you do?
we can't go back, we'll never be able to go back, and i'm so afraid we'll just keep drifting farther apart until we have nothing left...
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[27 Apr 2005|11:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 angry |
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No. I'm not erasing the last entry. Because it's how I feel. You can whine about it all you want, but it's how I'm really feeling. You don't love me, and you can do fine without me. It's obvious. I'm sick of waiting on you, I'm sick of being hurt by you every day. I don't want to be lonely when I'm with you anymore.
You don't give a shit about what I really want though, right?
I didn't think so.
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[27 Apr 2005|05:54pm] |
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I know you well enough to know you never loved me~
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[21 Apr 2005|02:57pm] |
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there was a spider on my wall last night..:((
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[17 Apr 2005|08:20pm] |
i love you, i miss you, i want you.
but i can't have you. :/
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[11 Apr 2005|10:55pm] |
RIP cody - i'll always love you, kid.
story time !
i have an ex named ian. he was the one who told me cody was 'dead'. he supposedly 'wants me back'. but i do not love him and i am taken anyway ! so, i come to school today, and i see cody. i am very happy, yet confused. so i go to confront ian. he is apparently pissed off i did not go rushing to him for support / comfort once he told me cody "died". i had a dirty away message about him that day, so he got upset and was convinced he was 'losing me'. and so, he wanted to help me and 'hold me' and shit when i found out my best friend was dead.
so, yes. he lied. and had me crying for hours.
what the fuck? how is anyone this sick? i am NOT going to forgive this boy. seriously. wow.
but i also feel like a dumbshit for believing him. i am such a stupid girl. i guess it was the shock. ohwell, whatever.
iam ohsograteful, though. my cody. <3
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